Domesticated....

Hmm... as my hands dry from the third .. or is it fourth?.. time washing dishes today, I can't help but wonder how I became domesticated so quickly. 

Think of me - generally - as having more the habits of a guy (I know, guys, you're probably better than me, so forgive me the insult).  For the last three years, I've lived alone.  Answered to no-one, had few guests, and so chores were, well, optional.  Except laundry.  Don't worry, I did laundry.  Although I did learn how to make certain items of clothing last longer.... (I also own many, many, many pairs of underwear.. oops TMI)

Make my bed? Why? I was gonna be back in it later that night.. Aw hell, who am I kidding? If I was at home, I'd be back in it within a few minutes, getting out usually just to go to the fridge or the bathroom or something.  I was the only one using my toilet, and I had no pets (for the most part), so there was no reason to put the lid down.  My bathroom was spacious enough it wasn't as if I had things above the toilet waiting to fall in.  As long as I could get back and forth to the fridge and the bathroom and the front door, who really cared if there were clothes, or books or other things on other parts of the floor?  If I had plenty of clean dishes (and I had plenty of sets of dishes) what was the rush in washing the dishes?

Well, I wasn't necessarily that bad...

Oh, wait, that's right, my girl reads this, I can't get away with that...

But it's been just under two weeks here, and I have been quite domesticated.  If I'm still in bed when she leaves in the morning, I make the bed.  (Usually not until about 3 PM or so, but still...).  And if she's here, I often help her make it.  I've learned to put the lid down on the toilet because the bathroom is, shall we say, cozy.  I don't always get it right.  I've learned to pull the shower curtain shut before drying my towel, so that it won't get mildewy on the bottom.  And, I've learned how to wash dishes after every meal (or right before she comes home, whichever works...), and put the dishes away, even. 

I have been domesticated. 

It's not necessarily a bad thing.  I'm not sure if I ended up living on my own again any time soon (and I'm not hoping for this, understand) I'd probably quickly revert to my slovenly ways.  Because I understand very well what the motivation is for doing them now.  (Hopefully you haven't eaten any time soon, because I might make you gag....)  The motivation is "Love". 

Now, it would *PROBABLY* be more loving if I didn't point it out every time she came home, "Hey, babe? Look, I made the bed!  You know what this says?" She's started to roll her eyes at this point, and frankly, I can't blame her... "It says, 'I love you!'" 

I do these things because it makes HER happy.  And that's reason enough.  And that, my friends, is how I have become domesticated. 

P.S.  I'm sure I still have quite a ways to go... but I am a work in progress at least... ;)

Amusing Spam...

And really, how can one begin to talk about amusing spam, without referencing Monty Python?  Surely, like me before this morning, it has been awhile (if ever) since you've seen this skit... "But I don't LIKE spam....!!!!!"

And it is a useful analogy - there in the cafe, it was impossible for the "woman" to get a meal without spam, so, too, it is impossible to blog without spam.

Spam, spam, spam, spam....

Now I haven't received THAT many spam comments - not like my friend Crooked Stamper, who has been commenting a lot on commenting that's spam, and wondering the great question that humans must ask: why?

(I think I got an eggs, bacon, spam, and sausage - it sounds like she got a spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, spam order.  And really, shouldn't she be happy? I mean who doesn't like bacon? Don't they say it goes with EVERYTHING? ;) )

Blogger is pretty good at catching spam.  I admit it, now that I've seen a few, it follows a well-pat formula.  And I try to avoid, myself, inadvertently following its formula when I leave my own comments now.

When I first started my blog, I took all the security precautions, while trying to open it up as much as I could.  You can leave anonymous comments on here.  Partly that was because my friend Robin was the only one reading for awhile, and it made it easier for her to appear as if she were many people! ;) But I can respect the need / desire for one - particularly when first commenting - to be anonymous.  (And if I couldn't, well, then, we'd have a whole lot of other issues here, now wouldn't we?)

So, I have allowed anonymous commenting.  But, early on, I turned on captcha.  At least it would filter out the spam.  Ha ha! Gotcha!  It's like having sex with many partners but wearing an industrial strength condom.  Or so I'd think - since really, I know very little about condoms, and what little I have heard is that none are "industrial strength".  But I digress.

When I started to first get readers other than Robin, one of them politely mentioned that I'd snag MORE fish if I turned off captcha.  Is that more, then, like having an IUD, so that the boys don't need to wear a raincoat? Wait - this analogy is going way south! Sorry...

Although, let's face it, Spam is a lot like an STD.  More like that than an unwanted pregnancy, although, I do think that once the schemers have found you, they don't let you go.  I have two posts that were found early on by the Ukrainians - they are my top two most popular posts - and I have NO idea what they get from that post.  I wonder, sometimes, if some spammer has used MY two posts on ADD as an address for spam to someone else.  Given the inordinate amount of traffic to those posts, and the dearth - dry desert - of comments... I dunno.. something's going on there.

However, I wanted more fish (goodness, those mixed metaphors) so I turned off captcha a long time ago.  And have even given the advice to a few other blooming bloggers.

This morning, in my e-mail box, I received a comment from Anonymous.  I have learned - mostly - not to get too excited when I see a comment from Anonymous - I have learned that 9 times out of 10, it's spam.  And the spam folks are often quite creative.  It's a vague enough comment, often complimentary - soothing to the ego - followed by a polite, hey check out my website, and a link.  When Crooked Stamper finds out exactly what spammers get from this phishing (Hey, isn't that clever how it all circles back around, again? ;) ) she'll let me know, although I assume they get paid per click just like legitimate advertisers.  It's things like "Really great article... For more you should catch my friend's article...<insert link here>."  And if any of you have the answers for my friend Crooked Stamper, please feel free to leave them below - but, um, leave off your really helpful website, 'kay? 'Kay...

Now Blogger is a really good IUD, it seems.  Er, I mean, it's a really good filter for spam.  I honestly think that everything it's caught was spam, and everything it allowed to be published is not.  My first spam I scratched my head, but trusted Blogger's experience, and now that I have seen several more, I know with certainty it was right.

But today's e-mailed spam comment made me laugh given the nature of it, and given that I *don't* use captcha, and that Blogger is pretty easy to set up with it.  Oh, and that the comment, asking a question and looking for an answer, was anonymous.

Hi there! I know this is somewhat off topic but
I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment
form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having difficulty finding one?
Thanks a lot!
Followed by a "My Page is..."

So, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous - here's the answer to your question:  Blogger has an interface for captcha so you don't need to install a plug-in.  :)

Glad I could help.

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam... really - do click on the link above and have a moment's smile with Monty Python and the gang... It truly is amusing spam.

Really?

Okay, I admit, the searches that find me amuse me.  I get on here all set to write a serious post (which I hope I'll still do after this one) and go curiously, as I do obsessively, to the stats to see who has come and how they got here. 

Tonight what do I find?  "amish grannys with huge tits".  And now having typed this, I have ensured that the NEXT person seeking Amish grannies with huge tits will INDEED find me.  (BTW, if you just have, I am NOT an Amish grannie).

Just thought I'd let that tickle you as it did me... ;)

You may now resume whatever you were doing before...

Dog Sitting

Many of you may have noticed in the last 10 days or so a certain "dog" like theme entering my posts and tweets.  Some have boldly wondered and directly enquired whether I was dog sitting or not. 

Yes, I am.  But because I over-analyze and over-think things sometimes, I also became very amused that *this* was the question (more than once) asked in response to the sudden influx of canine characterizations. 

I do amuse easily.

But I am amused because it has become clear that in 160ish posts or so, and 4,300+ 140 character tweets or so that YOU KNOW that if a dog were to suddenly enter my life, it probably would not be mine.  That you all have gotten to know me so well to know that as much as I may love pups, I am not prepared for one of my own, and that I *KNOW* I'm not prepared for one of my own.

To be clear, I've had pets before.  I've even had two dogs and two cats at the same time - and frankly, I do miss them dearly.  But I was not raising them as a single parent, and while one day I hope to have the life and the patience that I could be a single parent (to someone of the feline or canine persuasion), I do know that right now that I do not have it in me.  (Clearly, though I would prefer NOT to be a *single* parent, but I won't avoid the joy and companionship of an animal simply because I may be lacking human companionship, too)

While at some level joking (and being serious, too) about "parenting" animals, some of the same reasons I know better than to have a pet also led to my choice not to have real kidlings (the human variety).  I have a lot of Mommy bloggers as readers and followers and I admire how hard it is to raise a child today.  How easy, for example, it is to give into their every whine and demand.  How hard it is to avoid raising holy terrors (wait, this isn't sounding as complimentary as I intended it to.. maybe my fingers are still tied in knots?  Told you the Borg isn't always graceful....)

Well, gees, how do I get myself out of this hole?  By admitting it wasn't entirely unrelated.

Yesterday I stumbled across another Mommy blog (there *DO* seem to be a lot of you out there!) reading Kit's latest post about Blogher, and how one of her valuable take-aways was meeting Babe_Chilla and how if she'd just rented a beach house she would have missed such a wonderful time. 

I'll be honest, if Kit likes someone, I'm interested in learning more.  And not just because she likes me... ;) 

But, frankly, partly because she reminds me of my best friend and so she seems familiar to me, seems to have good taste, and because of her #wineparty, I met many of you.  So, if Kit devotes a whole blog post to someone else, I'm gonna check her out. So I did.

Babe_Chilla's post yesterday was about Pushing Boundaries.  And how much fun it is trying to train, er, teach young ones about boundaries.  How to train, er, teach a young one how to behave well by showing that bad behavior will not be rewarded.

And I loved the blog entry and felt her pain, and I think that's why what started out very sweet and wonderful and supporting towards Mommies above started to appear to (although not intending to) venture into "snarky" control your holy terrors.  Wait, I didn't actually say that above...  *phew*

But I have often felt (as a non-parent, favorite aunt, soccer coach, girl scout leader, someone-who-always-gets-to-send-the-kids-back-kind-of-person) that this is really the keystone to good parenting (well, up there with feeding and clothing and changing diapers).  Setting and maintaining boundaries.  And I think it is also the keystone to managing relationships at any age. 

BORG BLOG ASIDE: [And I hate writing that all at the same time because I hate the idea of setting "boundaries" with someone who I am close to, or someone I am intimate with or someone I trust.  A part of me rebels at the idea that someone I would trust would need boundaries, and that is because, I guess, in an ideal world they wouldn't.  They would know what is safe and what is not safe, what is appropriate and what is not appropriate.  And frankly, that is a post for another day, perhaps, because I feel that one of the reasons my marriage failed was because I was not good at setting appropriate boundaries.  (And while my fingers are itching to type more, my brain reminds them that this post is titled "DOG SITTING" - boundaries, dear fingers, boundaries!)]

As a non-parent, I have gently tread, but nonetheless frequently have made analogies and comparisons to dog training.  Reward good behavior, ignore, discourage don't tolerate bad behavior.  And that if you want a dog that doesn't get on the couch or bed or counter, then NEVER let them on the couch, bed or counter.  Cesar Milan will tell you that dogs need structure, need boundaries.  And they are constantly, like children, exploring to find out where they are.  (They also need lots of exercise and activity to keep from getting bored, but, again, that's another aside).  And if you allow them to get on the couch once and don't push them down because you're tired of doing it, they'll learn that there are certain times when it's okay to get on the couch, and they'll keep trying and testing to see "Now? is Now? a good time? Now? Now?"

A friend of mine has an adult son who has come home after a year of college and is taking a break.  He's a good guy, from what I can see - I've just gotten to know him this spring and haven't had a lot of time to spend with him.  He is working and not spending all his days playing video games (like I did in early 2011 when I wasn't working...).  And she spoils him.  He's her kid, and at the moment, she has to live with him, so it's completely her choice, decision, etc., how she wants to treat him and what expectations she wants to create in him - I'm not judging her here on these choices / decisions, or at least I am trying not to. 

I do believe that he loves her, but it is hard for a third person to hear that in the way he speaks to her and the way that he demands certain things from her.  None of them is unreasonable.  And probably all of them are tasks she wants to do for him.  And I support that.  But it breaks my heart, I will admit, to hear, nonetheless, how this nineteen year old young man seems to expect these things, and seems to demand these things, without some exhibition of or expression of (that I can see) appreciation for what she does for him.

Before you "jump" on me (and really I put that it in quotes, because so far, dear readers, you have not shown yourselves to be the jumping kind - you have been good listeners and kind and supportive), I recognize whole-heartedly that I see just a slice of their interaction.  And I do sincerely hope that there is something in his behavior in response that makes it worth her while to provide so much for him - more than simply a love of a mother for her child.  (Although maybe that should be enough?)  I recognize that there is (or hope that there is) more to the story than I see and that I relate above.

But I admit, lately, I have been much more aware, much more sensitive in listening to others interactions with each other.  Hearing when someone demands something of another and whether there is kindness or underlying understanding or appreciation for the other person's compliance.  (Wow, fingers, DOG SITTING!!!! Where are you going? Bad fingers...No, wait, there is a circular point...). 

Babe_Chilla writes in her blog entry about a whining 30-month old girl.  Each time her daughter demands in a way that is not appropriate, she responds to her as such.  She illustrates with a demand her daughter made for water (all in CAPS). At the first demand, Chilla patiently responds: “OK my darling, how do we ask properly?”  Baby girl tries again.  Repeats what she's just said, and adds "PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE" to the end of it.  A good start, but not what Chilla was looking for, so she goes another few rounds with her until her daughter finally gets it right. 

Painful even reading it, I can't even imagine how much fun it is to do.  But I really praise Babe_Chilla for her persistence.  As I started to write two paragraphs above before I told my fingers they were wandering off topic, I really hear how we, as adults, often communicate with each other in the form of demands.  So often without a please or a thank you, or even some acknowledgment that we are requesting another human being to do something that they don't actually need to do for us.  And I think that's because as adults we often forget or don't even realize that the other person doesn't need to do ANYTHING for us and that each thing they do - even if they *are* being paid for it or otherwise rewarded - is a gift of their time, actions, kindness, etc., towards us or others. 

Babe_Chilla could just give in when she hears the word "PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE" added in - Lord knows that is more than I often hear in daily interactions between folks - but she hasn't.  Yes, daughter has made progress, but Babe_Chilla recognizes that this is still NOT the manner in which she wants her daughter asking for something, and she does her best to remain strong until she teaches her daughter exactly how it should be done.  I think that she does this for her daughter, for herself, and for all of us.  And I appreciate her for doing so.

Each night this puppy has a bed time routine that clearly I never concocted.  We are establishing our own routines in this three week period, but this is one that she has ingrained and I was given clear instruction regarding.  It has taken me awhile to recognize, at night, when she comes to me and tries to get my attention that it isn't because she needs to pee, but because she is afraid I will forget her night-time treat routine.  (She trained me on this by several experiences where I took her out and she didn't pee)  She doesn't care if I'm late with her morning chew, and often won't even whine if I'm late for dinner, but her bed-time routine she is pretty adamant about. 

And frankly, I don't mind giving into her to do this routine because I think it's a wonderful exercise in rewarding good behavior.  There are two kinds of treats that are given in some quantity each night.  But each part of the treat is given in response to some pre-trained behavior she is supposed to do.  The first half of the Beggin Strips goes to her after she properly shakes, for example.  The second when she does the next trick.  Etc., etc.  So I appreciate this nightly exercise in reinforcing good behavior and I am trying really hard not to untrain this well behaved dog.

I admit I am not as good on our walks.  She has been trained to stop at every corner and sit.  And when I've walked her in the past with her owner, this is what we've done.  This is a good exercise, and good reinforcement to sit and stop on command particularly in light of a potentially dangerous situation.  I support the exercise in theory.  But frankly, usually on our walks, I'm just not thinking about it, and she doesn't feel the need to remind me.   Fortunately we often walk in circles and don't cross the street, or walk on long bike paths without such intersections.  I hope my lack of discipline in these areas will simply affect her like that of a grandmother where the rules might be slightly different and that I don't undo all of her good training!

Alrighty, then, I think we're near the point where I'm supposed to neatly wrap this all into a ball and into some sort of conclusion.  I began this post partly to express my amusement how in such a short period of time we've both been so successful in you getting to know me.  That you recognize - what I'd like to think - is my ability to be responsible and not to take on a commitment that I am not prepared to do, so that if there were suddenly a canine in my life, it must be temporary.  Talking about responsible pet ownership or choosing ownership responsibly, I made a connection to my choice not to be a parent.  This led me to discuss the connections I do see between owner (or caretaker in this case) and dog and parent and child, and I wanted to tie the two together particularly with Babe_Chilla's post still fresh in my mind. 

And, lastly, then I wanted to encourage and support all of the parents out there in the efforts you make and the hard work it takes to produce good, responsible, respectful and caring children.  Particularly understanding that these children will become adults and the lessons you teach them painfully at 30-months will be more than amply rewarded by the wonderful human beings you create to go out and interact with the rest of the world.  And as part of the rest of the world, I thank you. 

Yes, I *will* watch your figure for you... ;)

Just ran across this old ad and thought it was hysterical enough to share...

http://questionableadvice.tumblr.com/image/1327983121