I am at a crossroads in my life. And potentially for this blog.
One of the purposes of this blog was, frankly, to grieve a relationship or two. To get past whatever might have been holding me back from moving forward in my life. And to do so in a safe space where I could speak about these relationships in a public and yet quite private way.
See many people didn't know about the depth or nature of the relationship with tryst. So to talk with people I already knew about it put me in an awkward position of outing someone and sharing their personal life. That wasn't my place to do.
But you knew neither me nor her, so telling "you" about it, and doing so anonymously, didn't expose her.
And now I find myself embarking upon another new relationship. With someone whom I met doing this. And I want to scream it from the rooftops (okay, announce it on Twitter) but it's not my place. Because talking to you about her would put me in the awkward position of outing someone and sharing their personal life.
So I have this conundrum....
And even if "outing" her and sharing her personal life weren't an issue, I have no desire whatsoever to conduct a public relationship. You know the kind I mean. The ones who are sitting right next to each other in the same room, tweeting or FBing their affection towards each other in public rather than simply talking to each other directly. There's a time for sharing your love, guys, and then there's a time for getting your own room.
The second purpose of the blog was as an outlet for all the random stuff that goes through my head and life with whom I had no one to share. So as not to overwhelm my friend network with lots and lots of emails about nonsensical stuff. To help pare down my conversations with real friends to more meaningful things (although Ken and I have now had some meaningful conversations about strawberry scented shampoo, now).
And now I have someone who fills those shoes, who will probably regret at some point telling me she loves reading everything I've written (at which point, I'll come back here to share some silly inane stuff to spare her...). Someone who, apparently, finds my conversations on shampoo endearing. Silly girl. Someone who is simply amazing.
I am not done blogging. I don't think. But I do find myself writing a lot of blog posts lately just for her. Things that might not be appropriate to share with a wider audience because they involve her. (Seriously, this woman gets emails from me that say "Post I won't publish" that are written just like this one is... )
But my priorities have changed. My focus has shifted. It may be that this blog has accomplished all that it was meant to do. And maybe that was to find her. I don't know. We'll have to see...
But this, my dear friends, is where I'm at... Happiness. And it's a damn wonderful thing....
Off to the shower, now... to think of Ken... ;)
Thank you to those of you who have been on this journey with me so far... You have lightened my burden immeasurably...