Not quite as sexy as an on-demand pay-per-view channel, but, it'll have to do.
Alt title: Oh, yeah, so that's what this feels like...
My paternal grandmother was bipolar - except then, we called it manic-depressive. And so there's always been this underlying awareness that it can run in families, and, well... whenever I have gone into see someone who shrink-wraps, I always am sure to mention this. I've never really thought I was, but I'm not the professional, now am I?
I never really thought I was because while I had the "mania" - attributable also to my ADD - I was never really depressed. I can't say I was always "happy", but for the most part, I think I was relatively well balanced. Until, oh, about, three and a half years ago.
And even then, my depression was understandable. I described it as situational. A certainly understandably depressing situation had most certainly been at the root of it. And that explained the first year. And being alone in a new town.. Well, maybe that explained the second year. But really, by the third year, shouldn't I be freaking done with this depression thing? Yes, I could see subtle improvements. I could look back at the year before and say I was better than I had been. But damn, if this wasn't taking forever.
And I can't say I'm out of the woods yet. I still see lots of trees blocking the sun around me. But I can say in the last month and a half, there has been significant, noticeable, improvement. Periods of excitement and energy and - dare I say it - happiness have been more than just fleeting.
A lot of it, I recognize, centers around the new position at the church. I forget, sometimes, how much I like people. How much I truly enjoy them. And as a result of this new position, I have taken it upon myself to sit down with as many of our members as I can. And I'm loving it. Just loving it. Finding things that people are getting excited about. Pulling out areas where they may thrive within the community. Finding people to support others who took a particular ministry on their own.
My theme, by the way, (even though I don't *need* a theme) is sharing the ministry. And I feel strongly about this, and could get on a roll, and bore you all to death, although keep you mildly entertained by the energy and excitement *I* feel about it. But I'm loving what I'm doing. I'm enjoying seeing seeds I have planted begin to take root. I am excited about the possibilities. I feel like I have found my calling. Maybe not my long-term calling, but a short-term one and I am enjoying it.
Which I haven't done in a long while.
Oh. Yeah.. So this is what happiness feels like. So this is what it's like to enjoy my life, again. There is a light at the end of that tunnel - there is sun beyond those trees. I will emerge. I am emerging. Damn, that sunshine on my face feels good.
P.S. The problem with blog posts on demand is that there is the possibility that I might end up taking your request and using it to write about something only remotely related. I can't help where the spirit takes me... ;) So, my friend, I know I barely touched on what you wanted me to write about. But maybe in another post... ;)