Wednesday, February 15, 2012

21. I have / am ADD

I bring this up to you not only to tell you another little factlet about myself, but also to warn you that I am already getting bored talking only about myself. 

Which really actually minimizes the issue of my ADD. 

And my ADD is a big issue. 

If I were able to manually make those tags various sizes, I'd make the ADD tag pretty big.  I know I can manipulate it, but I won't. 

I was not diagnosed as a kid.  And this was for many reasons.  First, it wasn't the catch-all diagnosis for energetic kids that it seems to be used for today.  I do think that the way we operate as a society actually creates ADD, or at least ADD symptoms, in folks.  But that's a whole other entry for another day. Second, I was smart enough to pass.  While it clearly, particularly in hindsight, hampered me from "reaching [my] full potential" as so many teachers might have written, I was doing well enough that they didn't waste a lot of time getting me there. 

I don't mean to say my teachers or parents didn't care.  Fighting ADD - either yourself or in others - is like rolling a boulder up hill.  If you don't continually apply your efforts, that boulder gets heavy and starts rolling back down hill.  It is a continuous ongoing process. 

Or that's my understanding of it based on my experience.  Right now I feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of the hill leaning up against that boulder and trying to figure out whether it's worth pushing anymore. 

Except I like the view higher up.  I like it when I reach my potential. I get frustrated by these invisible walls I keep hitting up against. 

Ironically, I was diagnosed as ADD not through an academic or a professional setting or situation, but through a relationship.  So this "disorder" not only holds me back academically, or professionally, but even raises its ugly, ugly head in my intimate relationships.  Lovely.

So, here I sit by the boulder at the bottom of the hill trying to figure out what to do.  I'm single (see #4).  And I contemplate the traditional definition of insanity.  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. 

I do welcome feedback on this area.  And I'm sure I'll talk about it much more and make that tag on the side bigger and bigger over time.  I have tried a variety of methods to attack this, and it may simply be I haven't found the right combination.  Again, make comments below publicly, or feel free to send them privately by e-mail to

ADDENDUM - JULY 20, 2012

As of today, this blog post has had the most views of any of my posts, and yet no feedback, whatsoever.  Please take a moment and leave me a comment to tell me what you were looking for when you came here.  This and my other ADD posts seem to have an independent popularity, and yet, I don't know who this audience is, why you are coming, and what you are looking for - and even more, if I'm serving it.  Having ADD is hard - and knowing you are not alone is important.  Please, comment below and reassure me that I'm not alone.  Thank you!

If you like this, stick around and read other entries. Hit a few on the right that are favorites, or go to the home page of the blog, and read from beginning to end. Take a moment to send me some feedback. Thanks for coming. Please come back soon.

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