Wednesday, February 15, 2012

21. I have / am ADD

I bring this up to you not only to tell you another little factlet about myself, but also to warn you that I am already getting bored talking only about myself. 

Which really actually minimizes the issue of my ADD. 

And my ADD is a big issue. 

If I were able to manually make those tags various sizes, I'd make the ADD tag pretty big.  I know I can manipulate it, but I won't. 

I was not diagnosed as a kid.  And this was for many reasons.  First, it wasn't the catch-all diagnosis for energetic kids that it seems to be used for today.  I do think that the way we operate as a society actually creates ADD, or at least ADD symptoms, in folks.  But that's a whole other entry for another day. Second, I was smart enough to pass.  While it clearly, particularly in hindsight, hampered me from "reaching [my] full potential" as so many teachers might have written, I was doing well enough that they didn't waste a lot of time getting me there. 

I don't mean to say my teachers or parents didn't care.  Fighting ADD - either yourself or in others - is like rolling a boulder up hill.  If you don't continually apply your efforts, that boulder gets heavy and starts rolling back down hill.  It is a continuous ongoing process. 

Or that's my understanding of it based on my experience.  Right now I feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of the hill leaning up against that boulder and trying to figure out whether it's worth pushing anymore. 

Except I like the view higher up.  I like it when I reach my potential. I get frustrated by these invisible walls I keep hitting up against. 

Ironically, I was diagnosed as ADD not through an academic or a professional setting or situation, but through a relationship.  So this "disorder" not only holds me back academically, or professionally, but even raises its ugly, ugly head in my intimate relationships.  Lovely.

So, here I sit by the boulder at the bottom of the hill trying to figure out what to do.  I'm single (see #4).  And I contemplate the traditional definition of insanity.  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. 

I do welcome feedback on this area.  And I'm sure I'll talk about it much more and make that tag on the side bigger and bigger over time.  I have tried a variety of methods to attack this, and it may simply be I haven't found the right combination.  Again, make comments below publicly, or feel free to send them privately by e-mail to theborgblog@gmail.com.


ADDENDUM - JULY 20, 2012

As of today, this blog post has had the most views of any of my posts, and yet no feedback, whatsoever.  Please take a moment and leave me a comment to tell me what you were looking for when you came here.  This and my other ADD posts seem to have an independent popularity, and yet, I don't know who this audience is, why you are coming, and what you are looking for - and even more, if I'm serving it.  Having ADD is hard - and knowing you are not alone is important.  Please, comment below and reassure me that I'm not alone.  Thank you!


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