Thursday, February 16, 2012


I work several "jobs".  A couple are for pay and a couple are volunteer.  Currently, only one requires me to punch a time clock, and that's a night job. 

Personally, I tell myself that I prefer it that way.  I like having control of my own schedule and the flexibility to make the commitments I want when I want without having to clear them with anyone else.  Being single helps with this, too.

But I'm not sure, particularly with my ADD, it is always what is best for me.

They say with ADD that structure is important.  Habits are important to make sure you have that structure and you get the things done you need to do on a regular basis. 

Without them, adrenaline and deadlines are usually the strongest motivators. Usually if something can be done tomorrow or next week, then I often feel content to leave it until tomorrow or next week.  It isn't that I am lazy, I just logically don't see the need to rush.   Not always, but frequently enough.  It's the "joy" of ADD, and it frustrates the hell out of those around me sometimes.

Did I mention I was single?  Did I mention that my ADD was diagnosed in the context of being in a relationship?  Um, yeah. 

All of this introduction because last night I decided that I did not need to go to my contract site to work today, that I would work from home.  And as I went to sleep last night (earlier than usual, even) I gave myself a stern lecture / made a pact that I would wake up  at the usual time - actually that's wrong.  I always wake up at the usual time.  I love living without an alarm clock.  The pact was that I would GET OUT OF BED when I woke up.  At a reasonable hour. 

Even though I don't need an alarm to wake up, I do sometimes need an alarm in the morning to remind me that time is getting away from me.  That and an old trick from being a kid to find my watch I always lost.  I have learned that if something is small and has the possibility of being lost, it's a good idea to have a daily alarm on it so at least once a day there's noise by which to find it.  So on my iPhone I have a daily alarm that goes off at 8:57 AM.  This is a good hour after I naturally wake up, and sometimes even longer than that. 

So, I woke up this morning at first around 7:15 AM.  That was nice.  I still have time to sleep - I was projecting getting out of bed closer to around 8 AM when I usually wake up.  So I went back to sleep.  My dream was kind of intriguing (I have some of the strangest and coolest dreams that I have lately began keeping a dream journal) and so down I went.  Woke up again closer to 8 AM, as usual.

A small voice said, "Okay, now, we talked about this.  You are going to get out of bed.  Just because you're staying home doesn't mean you get to be unproductive."  Well, actually, it was to myself, so all I really said was "Okay, now.."  The rest was implied. 

It's not even quite yet 8, I argued back.  Needless to say, I won.  And back to snoozin' sleep I went.

I'm not sure how many times we had this half-hearted conversation.  But some geeky math person could provide me with a minimum.  I finally got out of bed about twenty minutes ago, and it is now 10:15 AM.  The iPhone alarm snooze goes off every nine minutes.  And add a couple extra "discussions" between 8 and 8:57 AM, and well, you get the idea.

I've never been a jump out of bed kinda girl unless I had some place to be. Fortunately the woman I lived with for over ten years didn't seem to mind the snooze button, even though she was the type to jump out of bed (often forgetting to give me a morning snuggle and kiss, what was up with that?)  and get going.  She had the energizer bunny inside of her - but that's a whole other story.

When I have to be somewhere, I can get out of bed.  Or, at least, I could.  These days I try not to schedule anything too early so I don't have to test that out, but I used to live on the West Coast in one of those jobs that foolishly was tied partly to East Coast time, and I used to be at work by 6:30 AM, and out of the house by 5:45 AM.  I can do it.  Well, I did it.  You notice, I don't work that job now.  And that I moved back to East Coast time, so it isn't as much of an issue. 

In the light of morning, I recognize that not using an alarm, waking up naturally, scheduling things later in the morning if I have to schedule anything (I have very little that I have to schedule) is my way of rolling with my ADD.

I was too sleepy to create that understanding / argument this morning, but tomorrow, we'll see if I tell myself "Roll with it" next time I hit the snooze button. 

Resistance is futile.

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